So Far Away
by rsx70209
Summary: Sara has left and she is left with her thoughts and memories the life she had.** I'm a little nervous.. it's my first fanfic that I've ever written and it's not much, just a drable. Comments are welcome along with advise , but dont burn me too bad ok?**
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or anything else affiliated with CBS. The characters are just borrowed... don't hurt me? lol

Summary- Setting is after Sara has left and she is left with her thoughts and memories... (ok I'm a little nervous.. it's my first fanfic that I've ever written and it's not much, just a drable. Comments are welcome along with advise , but don't burn me too bad ok?

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She looked out her window to the night sky of San Francisco and sighed softly. She began to wonder what he was doing, if he was staring out into the darkness as well. It had been four very long months since she had gone away, leaving behind everything she had known for the past nine years of her life and the part she had come to know over the past two. She had left the bright lights of Las Vegas behind, along with her fellow CSIs and 'family'... and of course, him. The only man she'd ever loved in her entire life. She'd waited so long and felt with so much to get him and all that patience had finally paid off and they were both happier than ever. That was until _she_ came along...

_The car was crushing her under its weight and the water was rising... she was pinned and losing the battle... and as she frantically fought the rising rain, Grissom was the only person running through her mind. There was so much they hadn't done, so much that she hadn't said and done for him and now she would never get that chance..._

Sara snapped out of the memory with a bit of a jump, closed the curtains and then found her way back to her bed. She sat up on the pillows, hugging her knees up to her chest and laying her head on them. She closed her eyes and listened to the faint hum of the tv throughout the room, but didn't pay it much attention. She couldn't stop thinking long enough to focus on much besides the things playing in her own head. She thought about the team, the lab, her job that she had left behind, Hank, their dog.. so many things. But most of all, she was thinking of him.

_Where is he right now? Probably still at work, sitting behind his desk catching up on paperwork he let build up...__God, he hates paperwork.._

Sara smiled, remembering the look on his face whenever paperwork was even mentioned near him. Her smile slowly faded as the next thoughts started to take over. She began to wonder what he was feeling. She had only spoken to him once, briefly to explain she was fine and tell him where she had gone and that was months before. He had sounded a little upset on the phone, but not to the point where she had worried too much. Now, however, she didn't know how he was or what he was thinking or feeling.

_What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if he's found someone else? What if... he hates me for what I've done to him, to us?_

The 'what-ifs' continued to run through Sara's mind for what seemed like an eternity. With each new scenario, she became more and more uncomfortable and restless. She got under the covers, turned out the lamp and switched off the tv and just lay there in the dark room, staring at the ceiling. She tried her best to sleep and not think, but it was no use. She lay there awake, thinking of him again. She wanted to hear his voice, to feel him next to her again. She missed everything about him. His smile, his laugh, the way he held her, kissed her. Hell, she even missed his snoring. At least she knew he was there. But he wasn't there now and she was alone. Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes and she let them run down her face. She started to sob, letting four months of built-up sadness and longing coat her pillow case. She let out all of the hurt and regret and every other emotion flood from her body, relieving her aching heart. She curled up and continued to hug her pillow as she slowly calmed herself down. Sniffling, she wiped the dampness form her cheeks and turned over to look at the clock. The bright red numbers blared in her face, and by reading them she knew that shift had ended about fifteen minutes ago. She opened her side table drawer and pulled out her cell phone. She wanted-no _**needed**_ to talk to him, hear his soothing voice again. She flipped it open and went to dial his cell.

_'Click, click, click, click, click, click---' _Sara hesitated a moment, wondering whether or not to hit that seventh button. She waited, and then snapped the phone shut and set it beside her on her bed. She felt terrible. She couldn't even muster up the courage to call the one man who meant the world to her. She hung her head and sighed a bit. She got up and went to look out the window again. She pulled open the curtains and looked out into the midnight sky, the stars and moonlight flooding into her room. Suddenly, a wave of relief and happiness overcame her and she smiled. She realized that she was in fact not alone, that Gil was with her everywhere she went, every moment of every day.

_' I love you, Sara. More than you'll ever know. You've always had a part of my heart, and now it's completely yours' he said. _

_'And you've always had my whole heart. I love you too, Gil' she replied, smiling as he leaned in to kiss her. _

Sara smiled and her eyes welled up again remembering his words, but with happy tears this time. She continued to look out of her window, when a buzzing noise caught her attention. She turned and saw that her phone was vibrating: someone was calling her. She hurried over to the bed and picked the phone up and looked down at the caller I.D. She left it ring once more before deciding to answer it. The two of them hesitated, not knowing exactly what to say to one another. She was the one to break the silence.

"Hello, Gil. I've missed you so much..."

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Ok, so like I mentioned previously, it's my first story ever. I was so nervous about posting it, but after being encouraged by a good friend I did. Let me know what you think. If you like, I might continue it :)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: same as the first chapter... I still don't own CSI and never ever will :P

Oh and btw, the song is 'She's Gone' by Hall & Oates.. I love this song and had been wanting to use it.

And sorry for those of you who thought this chapter was a little short... I'll try and do better with the next one :)

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He reached up and took off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose and then rubbing his eyes. Glancing down at his watch, he noticed that shift was just about over and began to pack up for the evening. He left his office, turning and locking the door behind him before heading down the hallway. A few ' Night, boss' and 'See a tomorrow' s were said, but he didn't reply. He simply nodded his head and kept walking. That's how it had been for the most part over the past four months, so no one seemed to mind much, but they still worried about Gil Grissom's overall well being.

He exited the building and walked to his car, got in and started it. He sat there for a moment, not quite ready to leave. After all, his only reason for going home was no longer there and hadn't been for months. Switching on the radio, he listened for the station he wanted and when he finally found it, the song playing made him wish he hadn't. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, listening carefully to the tune, letting the lyrics engulf him.

_Everybody's high on consolation _

_Everybody's trying to tell me what's right for me_

_My daddy tried to bore me with a sermon_

_but it's plain to see that they can't comfort me_

_Sorry Charlie for the imposition_

_I think I've got it, got the strength to carry on_

_I need a drink and a quick decision_

_Now it's up to me, ooh what will be_

For months now, everyone had been trying to get him to talk about her departure. Nick had invited him out to eat. Catherine had suggested that he go after her and bring her home. Even Hodges had tried to get him to open up while they had been playing his board game prototype after work one shift. Was it really so hard to understand that maybe he didn't want to talk to anyone about it? He had it under control... he was fine... at least, that's what he kept telling himself...

_She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd_

_better learn how to face it_

_She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd_

_pay the devil to replace her_

_She's Gone what went wrong_

_Up in the morning look in the mirror_

_I'm worn as her tooth brush hanging in the stand_

_my face ain't looking any younger_

_now I can see love's taken a toll on me_

He looked like hell. He felt like hell, but he kept on going. He'd been pulling a lot of doubles lately, mostly to avoid returning home. People were starting to worry, and he knew it. It was written clearly across their faces; they were afraid he was reverting back to his old ways. Before it was easy not to; Sara had been there to help. But now, she was gone and, as they say, old habits die hard. Less time around people, more time with his bugs and crosswords and books. He had let himself go, in just about every way possible, but he couldn't make it stop alone. He needed her by his side, but it was too late and he was lost.

_She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd_

_better learn how to face it_

_She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd_

_pay the devil to replace her_

_She's Gone what went wrong_

_Think I'll spend eternity in the city_

_let the carbon and monoxide choke my thoughts away_

_and pretty bodies help dissolve the memories_

_but they can never be what she was to me_

There were mornings he woke up and wished he hadn't. Then he wouldn't be able to feel how badly his heart ached. He spent more time in the shower than ever, seeing as it was the only place he felt safe to cry. For the first time in 40 years, Gil Grissom actually let himself. The tears spilled out in hot streams and ran down his face as he slowly sank down the side of the shower. Sitting on the floor, he sobbed uncontrollably for at least fifteen minutes, hoping that the hurting would stop. But it hadn't and wouldn't. His heart broke more and more with each day that passed without her.

_She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd_

_better learn how to face it_

_She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd_

_pay the devil to replace her_

_She's Gone what went wrong_

_She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd_

_better learn how to face it_

_She's Gone (she's gone) I can't believe_

_that She's gone Oh I'd pay the devil_

_to replace her_

_She's Gone (she's gone) She's Gone (she's gone) Oh I, She's Gone (she's gone)_

As the song faded, Grissom was pulled out of his thoughts by a tapping at his car window. The security guard had come over, noticing that the car had been started but that it hadn't let the lot yet.

" Alright, there, Dr. Grissom?" the young guard asked, a concerned look on his face.

"Hm? Oh yeah, I'm fine. Must've dozed off... long shift" he replied. The guard nodded his head, stepping back and allowing Grissom to leave. As he sat at a red light, he started thinking again. Of her, of course, just like always.

_How is she? What's she doing? Does she miss me like I miss her? Does she know that I love her still?_

An angry honk from behind brought him back to reality and he continued on driving until he reached the townhouse. He pulled into the driveway and got out of the car, locking it and setting the alarm as he reached into the mailbox. Bills, a few pizza adds, and a letter... addressed to Sara Sidle. As he opened the front door and walked into the living room, he sat down on the couch, the letter in hand. He wanted so badly to open it, see who it was from, but he didn't. He simply set it on the coffee table with the rest of the collection of things that had come for her. He padded his way to their... _his_ bedroom and got ready for bed. There was nothing better for him to do anyways. As he lay down on his side of the bed, he stared up at the ceiling. There was no way he'd be able to sleep.. he'd been thinking of her even more than usual today. he missed everything about her; the way she laughed, the way she smiled, the way she kissed him... made him feel complete and happier than he'd ever been in his entire life. But she was gone, leaving him to a dark and empty life. He wanted to talk to her even if it was just for a minute. At least he'd be able to hear her voice again. But she didn't want to talk to him, at least that's what it seemed like. He hadn't tried calling in over three months after each attempt came with the same result: getting her voice mail. But tonight was his breaking point. He couldn't take it any more. The song, the thoughts and the memories had gotten to him extremely bad today. he reached to his night stand and grabbed his cell phone and dialed her number.

_Please, please answer, Sara. I need to talk to you. Tell you how much I love and miss you... how much I need you_ he thought as the phone rang. It rang once more and he thought_ ' She's not going to answer... she doesn't want to talk to me"_

On the third ring, however, he heard her answer the phone. A moment passed, then another. So much he wanted to say, to tell her, but he just couldn't get the words to come out. Luckily for him, she broke the silence.

"Hello, Gil. I've missed you so much..."

" I've missed you too. I need you, Sara... please come home."


End file.
